I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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