So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
