He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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