And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
