So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
