wrigley field is MILF paradise
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
