he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
