she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
