my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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