I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
