He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
