Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
