I accidentally burped into my bong.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
