Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's never too late to be topless.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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