normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
