Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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