butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
