I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
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She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
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Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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