**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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