Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
