There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
