Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
