I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
