Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
