I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
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it was like having sex with a tree stump
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
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I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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