I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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