Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
