marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize