there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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