don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
