i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
