My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
