I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
