Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
