i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
