I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
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