i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
