Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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