I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
