Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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