im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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