I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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