My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
