she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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