Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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