hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
