Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
