I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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