I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
