ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
