whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
