her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
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