girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
