You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
