True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
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Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
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When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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