video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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