Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
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