FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I party with great urgency now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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