Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
