are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
