she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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