Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
