I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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