Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
oh god the rape fog is back!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
