Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
