i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
