I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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