while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
