I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
