Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
