Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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