i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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