I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize