I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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