he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
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he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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