My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
